Day 101: Something is going to go wrong

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Day 101: Something is going to go wrong.

I have been editing/correcting this very tedious file for last 6 hours, and when it was completed I was in relief, but behold, within minutes, I would accidentally delete it, unlike in Window 10, in Linux, recovering a deleted file is not trivial. Its gone. I have to redo the whole thing again. wow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that something will go wrong as I approach success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this imaginary failure on my mind all the time, as if its only a mater of time before activating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear success and within that create mistakes, failures just to postpone or deny success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear succeeding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes. I made a mistake today, as I didnt’ pay attention when I deleted the file, I was on auto-mode, unconscious, unaware, not breathing, not here. So I paid the price. This can be corrected, its not a curse, not a life sentence, simply matter of breathing, and staying here thru the tedious editing process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, mistakes are chances to learn and do better next time. I am not dead, just lost few hours of labor.

But what’s obvious is that during the tedious editing process, I would wonder off in my mind, let the editing be automatic, not here, not breathing, this is what eventually created the mistake. so I stop beating myself up on this, learn and correct, be here, with awareness.

I commit myself to see mistakes as lessons, reminders, stepping stones to improve and correct myself, I can definitely do better, remain focused here. Yes time as past is lost, that’s the consequence, but there will be another time to correct this.

I embrace myself, my mistakes, without beating myself up, and direct myself to step by step, breath by breath, to put in the time and effort again to reproduce the file.

Just like recreating this world, rebirthing life on earth, I realize it will require my diligent presence here, with awareness to direct the moment, so less mistakes, and more success can be produced.

Interestingly turn around the word file, it becomes life. I forgive myself for not seen/realizing even the file I touched, is actually life, made of life substance, alive, its here, equal and one as life as me, so I direct myself to honor and be present when I am working even with a file.

Life requires my presence here.

#desteni

Day 100: Eqafe Review: memories and illness

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Day 100: Eqafe Review: memories and illness

There are many jewels in this amazing interview, per memories and its energies, how they contribute to the weakening of body (mostly already compromised parts). But I am sharing this for one powerful quote, as I always wonder about the effect of sounding self-forgiveness as oppose to just silently reading them. Here is the answer:

Sounding of self-forgiveness, physical sound stabilizes the body, discharges the energy within memories, energy stands no chance when it comes to physical sound.

Inspired by: Memories and Illness

#desteni

Day 99: body support

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day 99: body support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into war mode against my own body, like fight it out.

I forgive myself for creating anxiety emotions in my body, not seen/realizing anxiety emotions will only aggravate the condition/misalignment. because emotions are not helping the body, they hurt the body.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to aggravate the condition by thinking/worrying about it and therefore creating feelings/emotions about it. Emotions and feelings aggravate the physical misalignment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize emotions and feelings take a toll in the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust the body, the substance, the source of life to heal the body for any misalignment, in this I see/realize I am not supporting the body. Supporting the body first means to stop the toll caused by emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not support the body, and there are plenty of commonsense things to do to support the body.

If I were the body, how would I like to be treated?

Obviously any physical misalignment in the body is not cool, but the approach is not one of war or fight it out. Even illnesses are here to support, so this war, separation mentality is not supportive, rather work to support the body to heal the misalignment, with whatever medical/homeopathy remedies that are out there in the service of supporting life. Another thing I learned today is to bring more vitality to daily life, to daily routines, instead of being stuck in the mundane routines, because illness could also be a sign of being stuck, lack of movement, being stuck in certain thought patterns also.

I commit myself to work with the body, to support the body, and stop the emotional toll I put on it, and to bring more vitality/life-force to my daily life.

Inspired by this eqafe interview on lyme disease.

#desteni

Day 98: Extra efforts

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Day 98: Extra efforts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize to excel in any area of my life, I will need bit of extra efforts, otherwise I am settling down to my preprogrammed limitations of the mind and body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept my mind and body limitation as it-is-what-it-is, not seen/realizing limitations are there by design and preprogramming. So me accepting these limitations simply mean I am allowing and accepting the systems to run and direct my life as they wish, and I have abdicated my responsibility to become something more.

The systems vs Life. Becoming life means to stop and correct the systematic behaviors and controls on my mind, which were placed there by design and preprogramming.

Am I Life or systems at any given moment?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize at any given moment I have the choice to be Life or systems, extra efforts or effortless. I see/realize ‘my effortless’ behaviors and tendencies are likely from preprogramed systems, whereas it will require extra effort to overcome system tendencies and be life, be a life-force.

When and as I see myself want to take the path of least resistance, I stop I breathe, and direct myself to put in some ‘extra efforts’. Because I see/realize how I am lockedown into a preprogrammed systematic limitations of mind and body, never breaking thru the limits. I commit myself to realize birthing life thru the physical is not a given, I have to put the extra work to birth myself, to overcome the systems that are running my life.

In this I see/realize my weaknesses, tendencies, bad habits, all those are the keys, the systematic limitations, that I must unlock to this birthing process.

Inspired by this interview by Anu.

Mind Control through Weakening Strengths

#desteni

Day 97: be at ease

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Day 97: be at ease

I as my beingness, I forgive myself for not being at ease with myself.

I as my conscious mind, I forgive myself for not being at ease with myself.

I as my unconscious mind, I forgive myself for not being at ease with myself.

I as my subconscious mind, I forgive myself for not being at ease with myself.

I as my physical body, I forgive myself for not being at ease with myself.

When and as I see myself rattled and unease in myself, I stop and breathe, seen/realizing the unease is created by the accepted and allowed energies within me. Within this I commit myself breathe in this moment, to ground myself here, in the physical. Not struggling or fighting the energies or the unease, simply breathing myself to ground here. I am here, and here is where I can truly be at ease.

#desteni

Day 96: self trust

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Day 96: self-trust

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to suspect people, always assume they are upto something, some way to deceive me.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to mistrust others, always assume they going to screw me somehow.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have this intense mistrust of others, always doubting, suspecting. in that not seen/realizing more often than not, i actually end up creating that, where i do not allow trust to develop, b’c i never gave it a chance, in the space of mistrust, trust can’t grow.

Recalling this Tree of Life interview done by desteni a long ago, I remember how the issue of self-trust was mentioned to me, as a huge point to work on.

Developing self-trust, in that developing the ability to trust others as myself.

how to develop self-trust ? its the process, step by step.

#desteni

day 95: What is self-acceptance. 

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day 95: What is self-acceptance.

What’s not self-acceptance?

Self-judgment, self-blame, comparison, lack, fear, emotional possession, jealousy, all that takes you to an alternate mind reality. But that’s kind of catch-22 situation, I have all the stuff I just listed, then within that how do I reach self-acceptance? I suppose self-acceptance is another way of saying self-awareness. I am aware that I am jealous, in that awareness I hold the jealousy, that’s here, without judgement, I look at it, its source, how and why its created, patterns associated with it, and proceed to forgive it, just work with whats here, there are plenty of reasons why things are here, so no need for judgments, self-blame. Universe is not hellbent on plotting against me, but there are preprogrammed patterns, all minds are preprogrammed, humans are Mind Conscious Systems, so I have to be careful yes, but that doesnt’ mean I am a victim.

Accept of what’s here without judgement, so I can change it. Not the kind of acceptance, “thy will be done”, nope that’s submission, almost becoming a victim. Acceptance is empowering self to change something, without self-judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and judge the emotional states that are here within me, and judge myself for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself within the emotional states that are here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize the more I resist, they persist, and the more I separate myself from them they persist. In a way all my emotional states are parts of me.

For a moment, within a deep breath, allow everything within me to be just here, all the anxieties, worries, fears, jealousies, angers, moods, health issues, panics, memories let them all be here for a moment, without resistance. They are my creations, they are me, so instead of fighting struggling for what’s here, allow them without resistance for a moment. I realize I am still here, with everything that I am, all of my past, now, and future, I am here. In that moment of grace, I have accepted myself, and I am fully aware of the issues, now the process of changing things is possible, one by one.

Self-acceptance is who I will be if I am the only human on earth right now? Will I not be at ease with myself? Will I worry about my memories? Will I worry about what he or she might say about me? well, no, there is nobody to say anything to me. Only I am here, only my own voice of judgement is here.

Self-acceptance is the silence of my mind, the silence of my own judgmental voice in my head that speaks to me as me and as others.

When and as I see myself hearing voices in my head, as me or as others, I remind myself to become silent within me. And I support myself with the visual that in this vast planet I am the only human around, there is only one voice around, what if I could stop that voice, who is there to judge me?

I allow and accept myself to be here with ease, with everything that I am.

#desteni