Diverting from qck notes for a bit to look at something else.
Software development is bit like a relationship agreement, call it the design agreement, so the parties can independently code their pieces and in theory should work like a charm during code integration, of course there will be defects as part of normal development/coding process, even issues related to the misunderstanding of agreed upon design matters. But serious problems may arise during integration if one or more parties either ignored or silently disagree with parts of the design leading to failure in integration. There is this subtle assumption of responsibility, “you better fix it on your side”, or “show me , tell me what I must fix”. Basically to make the design agreement work, the parties must give their best to understand and stand by the design agreement, of course if you dont’ understand parts of it, ignoring is not the solution, it will come to bite you later. And for some, agreeing to an agreement is a whimsical matter, unwilling to put the hard to create a solid design agreement in the first place, but hoping to sort out problems as they arise in the later phases. This approach is problematic, as parties are not in align with the design as coding unfolds. Soon the blame game could begin.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame a party when I see that they have not met the design criteria as agreed.
I forgive myself for wanting to scream in anger and frustration at their incompetence and blame them.
I forgive myself for believing that expressing anger and blame as valid.
I forgive myself for not seen/realizing that anger or blame will only compound the matter not resolve anything at all.
I forgive myself for not understanding that it could be something simple as ‘not understanding the design details’, meaning they just need an extra explanation, extra patience, not blame or scolding, or show of intolerance.
I forgive myself for wanting to ‘indict’ them for their lack of respect for the design, like walking upto the boss and complain how irresponsible a party is.
I forgive myself for believing that there must be some punishment for such parties, for not delivering the design, for not sticking to what agreed upon.
I forgive myself for believing that they must be ridiculed in front of the team for failing to meet the design.
I forgive myself for believing that they must be presented as the guilty party in front of all, so that I will certainly look good.
I see/realize and understand, confrontation, anger, frustration, ridicule, humiliation, blame. scolding cannot lead the project anywhere, just like a relationship agreement, when design agreement is facing issues, the solution is back to the drawing board, communication, explanation, ‘show them again’, simply commit again and again to stick to communication without any hint of blame or anger brewing in the background. They will sense my anger, and that they will resist, tranlating to resisting parts of the design agreement, so what I accept and allow in relation to others matter.
I commit myself to breathe thru the frustrating moments, I commit myself to simply stick to the basics of going back to the design, instead of focusing on blame or scolding another.
all the keys are here.