It takes one thought to create separation, that emotional wall between people. but it’s not just one time thought, it’s a recurring one thought, every now and then same thought creeps up, after that there is energy build up, and not too far physical consequences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow thoughts about R, thinking and believing that I am used by R, only to serve whatever they want. Within this I forgive myself for not seen how I am creating a victim personality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that I live the negative end of a polarity where I believe I am targeted, a victim, and isolated when I am alone, and blame others for this feeling I accept, and believe that others are actually doing this to me.
I forgive myself for not seeing/realizing this is the definition, the belief I have given to myself and living as, where I fear being alone and believe that I am a target, that people are using me to serve their needs. this is my accepted and allowed belief system, that being alone, sitting alone, working alone, is some kind of a plot created by others to target me, and in this state I can only be used.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define standing alone as fearsome, as vulnerable, insecure, easily targeted.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear simply being here as breath, as me, as physical and focusing on what’s at hand, instead of defining myself as ‘alone’ therefore vulnerable.
I forgive myself for creating this polarity construct, when been with others is all good and well but being alone is scary, hellish, fearful, vulnerable and easily targeted. and to offset this I demand others, push others to fill this fearful space I have created and called it ‘being alone’.
I forgive myself for believing that I can’t focus, can’t get things done when I hit this vulnerable state, and that I need to hide away or runway to find peace of mind, instead of facing the situation head on, and breathing myself to calmness within the eye of the storm. running away is not the cure, hiding is not the solution. face it, be where it is most difficult, and face the music, face the patterns that I believe myself to be.
as bernard say, first have to accept and embrace self totally, then walk the forgiveness, corrections.
all the keys are here.