I have been listening to recent ‘breath compilation‘ interviews from eqafe, going pretty well, highly recommended. I experience boredom when I breathe with awareness, its like I missing some entertainment, also irritation, unease, missing out, as if I want to get back to the business/busyiness of mind very badly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing myself when I breathe with awareness, believing that I can only exist in as my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that breathing is boring, breathing with awareness as boring, whereas living in the mind, thinking as exciting, entertaining and non-boring.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist for entertainment, and define myself as boring/bored the moment entertainment of my mind stops even for a few seconds.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the lack of mind entertainment, fear the silence of the mind, I forgive myself for fearing silence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life exists as mind, as thoughts, as excitement as entertainment. I forgive myself for believing that silence is death, therefore I fear it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my mind, from the noise of my mind, not seen/realizing all that goes on within my mind is aspects of myself, so essentially what I am fearing is facing myself as the noise of my mind. It’s not the fear of silence, its fear of facing self as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate everything within me into battling parts, like I am in a battle within myself, like living/existing is a battle. Here I see/realize I can use the breathing with awareness to cut down the battle, bring all parts together, to embrace all parts of myself, the good, bad, and the ugly. I am everything of me, there are no external evil residents within me who are controlling me, I am all of it. I just have to face all of me. In this, I see/realize blame is way to avoid seeing myself as-is.
Breathing with awareness is a key in this, and why do I want to deny this gift to myself?
I commit myself to return again and again throughout the day to take few breaths with awareness.
Breathe-in, hold, breathe-out, within 2-3 seconds span, it’s a start.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not see/realize everything of the mind/mind conscious system, is passed down the generations via one breath at a time, the uninterrupted continuation from breath to breath, has made mind what it is today leading to a world where more than half living under poverty. A pause between breaths could help us see what we’re accepting and allowing so that we could correct ourselves. So I forgive myself for not seen/realizing breathing with awareness is an act of responsibility to keep the mind in check.
all the keys are here.