Day 30: Entertainment

I committed myself to write a blog today, going day #30, wow, but nothing to write about, I am staring at this blank page, and time is running quick.

Entertainment, yep this is a point I can look at, because many hours I have been wasting entertaining myself, entertainment is like an addiction, it a fix, be it playing endless chess or binge watching shit on youtube, or even listening to music. all that fall in to the class of ‘wasting time with entertainment’.

In moderation, all that is fine, I suppose, I enjoy myself when I play chess, I enjoy listening to music, or watching cricket, or funny clips, but there is such thing as ‘wasting time’. And not to mention my endless hours spent on political activism which now appears more of an entertainment than anything else. Political junkies as they call people like me, is a form of addiction, an entertainment.

Life is wasted on entertaining myself, precious hours of the day are easily gone without a trace. Again moderation is the key, political activism is something yes I enjoy and deeply care about, without my one vote participation I am abdicating my responsibility, so my political activism matters, but at some point it can become entertainment and a waste of time.

‘Wasting time’, that’s an interesting line, it’s a valid concern, not being pedantic here, where in the pursuit of happiness I can’t spare even a moment to enjoy bit music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize time is precious, and yes there is such thing as ‘wasting time’ and within that ‘wasting away my life’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become an ‘entertainment junkie’, where I occupy precious hours of my day entertaining myself, without any reasonable moderation, as if I have given myself unlimited pass to entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate ‘living life’ to entertainment, just ‘enjoy and have a good time’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off any activity that is ‘painful’ like going to the gym or biking, studying, cooking, cleaning etc, but unreservedly giving myself the pass to entertain myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I am filling a void within myself with this endless entertainment binge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize entertainment has now become an addiction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize physical work, movement of the physical is not ‘entertainment’ and that’s why I resist it so much, unless the physical movement is linked to sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘living’ to ‘entertainment’, in that give myself an unlimited pass to entertain myself.

There are tasks and responsibilities in life, but all that can wait because I need to entertain myself with ‘fun stuff’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off my daily responsibilities because I am more committed to ‘fun stuff’ to entertain myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize the core problem is lack of discipline, not allocating specific time slots for tasks and responsibilities, in that yes entertainment can be a small part, instead entertainment has become the driving force of my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize what I give attention to grows, so the more I give in to entertainment, the craving for it grows, turning into an addiction.

When and as I see myself on entertainment binge, I stop I breathe, and commit myself to take on my daily tasks and responsibilities that I usually prefer to postpone because I see/realize ultimately entertainment is a way to escape reality and real responsibilities that are here/now. I commit myself to remind myself with the question, “what am I escaping with this endless entertainment”.

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