Day 87: How the CoronaVirus is supporting me

#SelfForgiveness #Sharing, #Writing #desteni #eqafe #sex #fear #Mind, #CoronaVirus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to fear mongering and the mass media hysteria.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that just because everyone else is in panic and hysteria that I must follow suit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of the mass media, mass collective mind consciousness, in whose command and suggestions, I follow suit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t stand me as one as life, without any influence from the mass media or the mass minds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blindly follow the mass hysteria.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize fear and panic are learned, within this I forgive myself for learning thru brainwashing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am weak therefore I need the suggestions from the masses, from the mass media, they give me comfort, the strange comfort in conformity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing alone, believing that I need the masses, the mass media to tell me what to think and how to feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be anxious about the corona virus, not seen/realizing the virus is here to assist and support humanity, to wake us up into the reality, the virus is not my enemy, there is support in sickness. I stop declaring “war against the corona”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this ‘lockdown’ like state of affairs, thinking and believing this to be the ‘end’, and believe I can’t handle it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the silence, the inactivity, the quietness, the slowing down of things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life is all about being busy, productive, and achieving, and within that fear the silence, the inactivity, the slowing down.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being not-so-productive, within that fear I may get fired, may lose my job for being less productive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give purpose to life thru a job, being productive at a job, being at the office, being visibly productive, otherwise believe I am useless, have no worth. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access the fear of non-existence. No job no existence, no office no existence, no huzzle buzzle of the office, no existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give purpose to my life thru the noise of the job, the office buzz, within that go into panic and fear in this “lockdown” like state.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize ultimately I am fearing facing myself, just me, no office, no work-busy, no meetings, no gym, no malls, no cinemas, no chess, no parties, no sex, no shopping, no outings, no socials, nothing to distract and occupy my mind, just me facing me. Within this I forgive myself for giving away all my power to mass media, allow them to consume me and fill me up with news and entertainment, suggest anything as they wish, then I allow myself become a totally blind robot of the mass media.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself, feeling shame to face myself, feeling vulnerable to face myself. I forgive myself for fear grounding myself , earthing myself. I forgive myself for fearing just being here. I forgive myself for fearing just to focus on what’s at hand, instead of wanting to be elsewhere, wanting to be doing something else, wanting more, desiring more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize revenge of the ego is also the fear to be just here, fear to be with self, fear to just breathe, the fear to face self.

May be this is exactly the gift from the corona virus to me, just learn to ground myself here in myself, earth myself here, feel the air, not wanting anything more, not desiring for anything more, yet doing, creating and expanding without the force of desire or want, the desire to be productive, to be validated, to be appreciated and recognized, to be seen as a productive useful member of the team, to be part of the huzzle and buzzle of the office noise. I realize without grounding myself in myself, here as breath and breathing, I am lost, in that any contagious agent could easily penetrate my mind and body, be it hysterical fear, petrification, paranoia, diseases, viruses or the suggestions from hysterical mass media.

So I allow myself to embrace this silence, this inactivity, this slowing down, this hereness, this apparent lack of productivity, this vast moment as me. I allow myself to embrace the corona virus as me, I allow myself to embrace the slowing down of the world affairs as me, I allow myself to embrace all the panic, the hysteria, the anxiety of this moment as me, in that no judgement, no fear, no escape into fantasy, no blame, just being here and focusing on practical solutions that are best for me and best for all.

#desteni

Cool supportive interview: Flu

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