Bureaucratic offices like most Human Resource offices, they operate very much to the rule, not much space for adjustments. Not talking here about breaking the laws, or asking for any favors that may jeopardize the office holders. But yeh I was asking for a favor as in borrow off time from future, to which I didn’t’ get a positive response. I reacted. I deserve it, I worked so hard, so I deserve to borrow from future. I have a good credit rating, so I should borrow as I wish. blah blah.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the response within the belief that “they didn’t give me what I deserve”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am mistreated by the bureaucratic office.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the belief that “I deserve more than what I have acquired”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize things like hours of work, hours of vacation time, hours of sick leaves follow set rules, there is not a whole lot of space for adjustments. Within this I forgive myself for reacting when I am told the fact, “I don’t’ have enough accumulated vacation hours” to take time off as I wish, within this I forgive myself for not seen/realizing these are FACTS, not some made up beliefs/plot against me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pity myself believing that I am mistreated by the bureaucrats.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize the facts are here, clearly the facts indicate that I dont ‘have sufficient accumulation of hours.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is a big plot against me, the whole bureaucracy is plotting against me, as they denied my request.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access bitterness. I forgive myself for feeling bitter that my request got denied.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I am only focusing on “what I got denied, something to get mad at”.
lets face the facts. Number of occasions I took time off here and there, half days, couple of hours here and there, this is how I used up my off times, instead of using them in one shot, I sporadically used them up. And now come xmax time, the fact is not a whole lot of time left on my vacation bank, hence the request was denied. And I am taking this personally, as if something was done against me. What I am really expecting is a ‘favor’, like as if we are friends with the bureaucrats of the HR office, it doesn’t’ work that way, this is capitalism, a business is there to make money, benefits of the workers are calculated based on set rules. There is not a whole lot I can do about this. So I see/realize I am taking it personally because of the belief “they should treat me nice, I have done shit load of work”.
A business specially big companies, cannot be “friends like” and start ‘lending’ vacation hours to their workers, of course there are extreme cases, like a funeral in the family or something, then there is a special bereavement’ class time off. Looking back at E1 and E2 who lost their jobs, I mean, those are facts, they lost their jobs due to some corporate rules that came from the top which couldn’t’ be changed by the local bureaucrats, it was nothing personal. Not a personal attack on anyone. And here I still have my job, yet I am whining about loss of time off, hmm. If anything I must have an attitude of gratitude for the continuous employment in this difficult job market.
Perspective is the key. Considering all the facts, ground realities, job market realities, recent job losses like what happened to E1 and E2, how could I justify a reaction to mere denial to more time off? Doesn’t’ make sense.
I commit myself, instead of reacting, to look at the facts, and to make acceptable plans, Either I take time off without pay, or take off only time what I have accumulated. Anything else would be a reaction, a nagging, whiny, blaming reaction, done out of ungratefulness and bitterness.
I stop, I breathe. and bring myself to see the facts and accept the decision of the bureaucratic office, it is their task to apply the rule, not give favors like how ‘friends’ might.
All the keys are here.