Day 16: Judgement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see V as very conflict oriented person, in that judge them as conflict prone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge them as very reactive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge them as ‘not-listening type’, ‘rude’ etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge them as ‘hard to communicate’, ‘hard to make them understand’, like a rock not easy to get my communication thru.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, a person’s characteristics, upbringing, history, genetics, culture, education, financial background, family history, religious indoctrination, early childhood memories and conditioning, employment, all of that plays a role in who a person becomes in their adult years, therefore I see/realize all my judgement about them are invalid, because essentially what I am judging is their conditioning, their pre-programming, to some degree they are innocent of that. Within this I see/realize, the responsibility is within me, to understand this whole web of pre-programming and not hold them a prisoner in my mind. In this I see/realize the separation my judgment creates, cutting them off from the physical oneness and equality I share with them, based on some judgment I have accepted and allowed as real. Obviously not easy to face these, rather unpleasant, in that I forgive myself for not seen/realizing that I am wishing for happy/positive experiences from this person, or else, I judge the experience they create in me as unpleasant/negative. I commit myself to breathe thru negative experiences, so not allowing judgement to take roots.

all the keys are here:

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Day 15: The profitable life

Already expecting a particular not so nice experience to unfold today, why is this? I mean if I walk into a place carrying certain thoughts, chances are I am likely to experience them, as thoughts are not just fleeting things like thin air, thoughts have energies, so resonantly others pick up whatever I am thinking about them, et voila, I am already setting in-motion the creation of an experience I do not wish to happen. This is not about positive thinking, instead of carrying loads of pre-judgement about a situation or people, I walk in humbleness, in emptiness of mind, just breathing and walk in. Chances are the said experience is likely to happen, as ‘those people’ and ‘their mind patterns’ wouldn’t have changed overnight, generation by generation, certain global mind conscious system patterns have passed on, so not likely suddenly all things will be hunky dory just because I walked in without any thoughts, BUT, if I do walk in with all my thoughts and energies, things can ONLY be worse, as I have effectively removed any chances of a new creation, not giving any chance for others to co-create some new experience with me, as I am hell-bent on locking them down into the prison of my judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that today is going to be no so nice because ‘they’ will do same thing and I will end up experiencing something not so nice, not seen/realizing I am already expecting, anticipating, and setting in-motion the wheels of creation to be like that, so I am a co-creator of what I wish not experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lock down people into a prison of my judgement based on what has happened in the past, not seeing/realizing I am keeping the past alive and therefore allowing it to repeat into present and future. Holding the past down is the power I am giving to it, to repeat itself. Chances are yes the fucked up humanity is likely to repeat its evil behaviors BUT I am not giving them any chance whatsoever by locking them down in the prison of my mind.  What is required is understanding, that their behavior is not personal, it’s mostly survival oriented, profit oriented, I mean have I not done this myself? have I not done things just for profit? just to have a profitable life? have I never ever done anything like that? answer is pretty clear to me, million times I may have made the choice that’s more profitable to me, more desirable to me, more happy to me, i.e more ‘positive’ to me.

there are basically 3 groups of experiences: positive, neutral and negative, the positive being the most profitable one, everyone wants a positive experience because it’s the most profitable, gives the highest energy high to the mind, similar to how money-profit makes us feel good. So in this not so desirable ‘neutral’ or ‘negative’ experiences and the people who create them are dismissed like a plague. Have I not done this, not dismiss people like a plague because they dont’ give me that positive feeling? have I not despise the neutral and negative feelings they create in me?

so this it, everyone is globally conditioned to seek the highest positive feeling, the greatest profit, and those who are not profit-giving are dismissed like a plague. this is a pattern, not personal, but if I hold onto any past experiences I am only allowing this pattern to continue even more, giving it the power to recreate again and again.

I have to be the change I wish to see in this world, when will I see all as equals beyond what experience I get from them?

I commit myself to remind myself that living a profitable life is not equality, constantly looking for this positive high and dismissing the so-called neutral and the negative experiences and the people who I think are creating those experiences in me is not equality. Equality and profit seeking can’t go hand in hand.

So walk into this day, with an empty mind, no thoughts, no energies, at least giving a chance for something new, well that’s the first step, the next is me not seeking a profitable life, not dividing people and situations as positive, neutral, or negative in that dismissing anyone who is not profitable to me.

all the keys are here:

Day 14: Why nothing has changed

Staring at the blank page is a good way to start writing, its like my mind is fixed on saying ‘there is nothing to write about’. It’s a struggle with every blog, but that’s when just jump in, so I am asking what is that blocking me here? judgments. fear of being ridiculed, or mocked at, laughed at, so that implies there is an audience in my mind, this is a problem. Doing anything with others as a focus is a problem, specially in a journey to life process like this where my mind, my patterns, habits, thoughts, words, actions, should be the focus, because my stuff alone drives my world, those are the stuff that create my world, truly a waste to allow judgement, self-judgement because what others may think of my writing isn’t going to do a thing for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the point about this process, which is self, my journey to life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize there cannot a change in this world without change in self, otherwise things just repeat, one revolution is replaced with another, one dictator is replaced with another, absolutely no change in this world, same corruption, dysfunction continues, what has changed in last 100 years? they say human rights have improved, yet billions starve each night, they say international relations have improved, yet many interventions lately leading to many failed states and endless refugee crisis, and of course no end to talks of war. Nothing has changed in the world, because self has not changed, I have not changed, so long as I remain as my current me, this world will remain as this. This is why its easy to blame the politicians, not seen/realizing the real problem is self, at some point everything boils down to self. the self of me, and self of others, but starts with me, then the equality equation takes on as one becomes an example to another, otherwise no matter how great the next guy in office is, but the one after could undo all good things to recreate hell again because nothing has changed, because I haven’t’ changed.

and this thing called change, only one can truly be evidence of that, because what others see in me can be projected, manipulated, make to them see ‘hey I am changing’, but only I know if I am changing.

all the keys are here:

Day 13: Emotional energy of politics

Emotional energy of political campaigns, yes this is something I have to be careful about, getting all sucked into hope and excitement of politics, specially those presidential campaigns in US. Politics is a serious responsibility, without changing the laws of the land ain’t going to change anything. Here I like to remind myself to just stick to policies that are best for all, at least best for most. Not to follow a personality cult or identity politics or even promotion of my preferred ideologies. This is where I tend to get all consumed by the energy of politics, the excitement and hope etc, then it can lead to feelings of disappointment or even to break down other candidates and their supporters.

People are drawn to different candidates for whatever reasons that I may or may not understand, and their reasons could be valid, even if they aren’t valid, it’s a place and time in their lives that drives them to certain candidates. Back in 2016 I seriously supported one candidate, but this time around I switch my support to another new candidate, for things like #BasicIncome which the former didn’t promote. This switch is unbelievable almost heartbreaking considering how much I promoted the former back then.

Different time and place, now I am drawn to this new person and his policies, but this doesn’t’ suddenly give me the right to knockdown the former candidate or his supporters. Different time and place, we are drawn to different candidates, it’s a process to learn what’s best for all and to learn which candidates and their policies will serve the best for most. Tolerance is the key. I have supported leaders in the past whom I am not very proud of now, with my latest understanding, so time and place changes us.

So this new person I am supporting, even that is not about the person, but the policies he stood for. It should never be about the politician, the person, but only the policies they promote. Of course the true character of the person will eventually come to surface, regardless how good their policies are, so if there is a big mismatch, people will see it and never be elected. Things like ‘likeable’, ‘electable’, ‘charming’, ‘charismatic’, ‘well-spoken’, things that mainstream media likes to keep us busy with are useless factors. But sadly we are drawn to such things too. I remember during the early days of Obama campaign back in 2007 or 08,  how mesmerized I was by his eloquent ‘well-spoken’ speeches and ‘hope and change’ promises he made, all came to nothing as history will recall, obliteration of Libya is a good example, and wall street got plenty while main street got nothing. Back then I missed to dig into policies before I declare my support to anyone, just went with ‘excitement’, ‘hope’, ‘change’, ‘likeable’, ‘charming’, things like that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize policies are the only reason to cast my support for any political candidate. We can debate about the means and methods and howto implement those, but policies, principles should never be compromised.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose candidates based on how ‘electable’, ‘likeable’, ‘charming’, ‘charismatic’,  ‘eloquent’ they are, instead of studying their detailed policies and principles.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a cult, hero like attitude towards candidates that I like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn politics into entertainment not seen/realizing the seriousness of politics, the responsibility it entails. I realize nothing will ever change if we don’t change the laws of the land, its done thru politics. Therefore I realize political activism is a serious responsibility, should be based on policies that are best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to turn candidates into heroes, the good guys who will fight against the bad guys like in a movie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike, judge those who hold different candidates and policies as their first choice. Not seen/realizing myself I have switch my support based on what appealed to me the most in different times.  So this doesn’t’ give me the right to knockdown anyone who prefers a different candidate.

I will simply promote what I view as the best policies that will serve the most, and if majority of the voters resonate with that message, then by the democratic rule of majority rule, it shall be voted and shall become laws of the land, until such time there is no readiness for new policies. That’s how it is, until a minimum but a sufficient majority of voters are ready to accept new policies, everyone has to wait.  Government is the will of the people after all. As one, it is my responsibility to promote and educate, but never to take in the emotional energy of politics, simply stick to policies.

All the keys are here.

Day 12: is it ever too late?

Obviously when the time is up, it’s too late, and that point will come sooner or later, but to entertain or use ‘too late’ as a justification for inaction is unacceptable, some inmates while waiting execution in death row, have known to sign up for college degree programs and completed, why you may ask, what’s the point, he/she is going to die anyways, so why bother, that’s the point, being alive here/now, living here gives all the reason to act, and it’s really never too late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘its too late’ as an excuse for inaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe its ‘too late’ for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have missed the boat so ‘its too late’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, being alive, living here/now, gives me all the reasons to act, create, and take responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use past mistakes as further justification for inaction, as if I had missed the boat, missed the chance, so its ‘too late’ now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not see/realize life is here, this moment, now, I can create anew, do, act, participate, and in that enjoy, where is the ‘too lateness’ in action, I see/realize this ‘too lateness’ is only an excuse, like laziness to inact, it’s not valid. When it’s actually too late, it will arrive like a chief in the night, I may not even know it’s too late.

So here, 2019 just kicking starting, back to first day of work today, there is nothing late about it, back to routine, taking care of the body, physical, living space, relationships, work, promoting political activities, promoting desteni bring the message to many, giving myself more self-care, paying attention to money, so carelessness is real but not ‘too lateness’. If anything I have been careless, and continue to be so by using ‘too late’ as a cover, the real issue is I am careless about many things. Self-care, lead to caring to every aspect of my life, in that any little time used is valid, no room for ‘too lateness’.

all the keys are here:

Day 11: Reacting to bureaucrats

Bureaucratic offices like most Human Resource offices, they operate very much to the rule, not much space for adjustments. Not talking here about breaking the laws, or asking for any favors that may jeopardize the office holders. But yeh I was asking for a favor as in borrow off time from future, to which I didn’t’ get a positive response. I reacted. I deserve it, I worked so hard, so I deserve to borrow from future. I have a good credit rating, so I should borrow as I wish. blah blah. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the response within the belief that “they didn’t give me what I deserve”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am mistreated by the bureaucratic office.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the belief that “I deserve more than what I have acquired”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize things like hours of work, hours of vacation time, hours of sick leaves follow set rules, there is not a whole lot of space for adjustments. Within this I forgive myself for reacting when I am told the fact, “I don’t’ have enough accumulated vacation hours” to take time off as I wish, within this I forgive myself for not seen/realizing these are FACTS, not some made up beliefs/plot against me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pity myself believing that I am mistreated by the bureaucrats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize the facts are here, clearly the facts indicate that I dont ‘have sufficient accumulation of hours.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is a big plot against me, the whole bureaucracy is plotting against me, as they denied my request.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access bitterness. I forgive myself for feeling bitter that my request got denied.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I am only focusing on “what I got denied, something to get mad at”.

lets face the facts. Number of occasions I took time off here and there, half days, couple of hours here and there, this is how I used up my off times, instead of using them in one shot, I sporadically used them up.  And now come xmax time, the fact is not a whole lot of time left on my vacation bank, hence the request was denied. And I am taking this personally, as if something was done against me. What I am really expecting is a ‘favor’, like as if we are friends with the bureaucrats of the HR office, it doesn’t’ work that way, this is capitalism, a business is there to make money, benefits of the workers are calculated based on set rules. There is not a whole lot I can do about this. So I see/realize I am taking it personally because of the belief “they should treat me nice, I have done shit load of work”.

A business specially big companies, cannot be “friends like” and start ‘lending’ vacation hours to their workers, of course there are extreme cases, like a funeral in the family or something, then there is a special bereavement’ class time off. Looking back at E1 and E2 who lost their jobs, I mean, those are facts, they lost their jobs due to some corporate rules that came from the top which couldn’t’ be changed by the local bureaucrats, it was nothing personal. Not a personal attack on anyone. And here I still have my job, yet I am whining about loss of time off, hmm. If anything I must have an attitude of gratitude for the continuous employment in this difficult job market.

Perspective is the key. Considering all the facts, ground realities, job market realities, recent job losses like what happened to E1 and E2, how could I justify a reaction to mere denial to more time off? Doesn’t’ make sense.

I commit myself, instead of reacting, to look at the facts, and to make acceptable plans, Either I take time off without pay, or take off only time what I have accumulated. Anything else would be a reaction, a nagging, whiny, blaming reaction, done out of ungratefulness and bitterness.

I stop, I breathe. and bring myself to see the facts and accept the decision of the bureaucratic office, it is their task to apply the rule, not give favors like how ‘friends’ might.

All the keys are here.

Day 10: When presidents die

Imagine Mr George W. Bush and Mr Saddam Hussein now having a friendly chitchat in the afterlife (wherever that is), oh how interesting, I think, they will forgive each other, for lack of understanding, for pushing for war instead of peace, they will understand that the seats of power however all-consuming, still made of dust, someday all powers will return to dust. And they will understand the intense responsibility while sitting in those temporary seats of power, the responsibility to create a stable life for their citizens for generations to come, which both men may look back with some regret. They will forgive each other, but certainly they will forgive themselves for the ongoing mess in Iraq, Afghanistan, and for the millions of lives lost, destroyed on all sides. They will forgive themselves for not understanding their thoughts, words and deeds where everything began.

all keys are here: